The Next Chapter

There's been a lot going on and I've been waiting to post until everything is settled. Which it is now, plus I've got some downtime since my students are taking state tests. And I figured out how to get around the Internet filter at work so I can actually access Blogger now. So here's what's going on now.

I've kept saying that as long as the doctor is willing to work with me and try different things, I'd keep going. Or at least until we go bankrupt. Originally I thought the doctor wanted to try something with the regular daily Lupron, but it turns out she wants to try something new with the monthly super-Lupron combined with something to way suppress estradiol. They submitted a prescription, which was promptly denied. I called to find out why since they paid for it before. They said they need a diagnosis code for authorization. Fine. I have the nurse send one, wait a couple of days and call again. They have no record of it.

Fuck. So I write the nurse again and she calls them while she's e-mailing me. She worked her magic and got them to approve it. You have to understand, this is the difference between a $700+ bill for three months and a $60 copay. The problem is that this didn't finally get sorted out until yesterday, which happened to be day 1 of my menses. And the shot needs to be given on days 3-5, but the closer to 3 the better. They are shipping it today overnight and I have to go tomorrow after work to get the shot.

That's what I've been dealing with the past few weeks. But it's happening again, finally. At this point I feel like it's a personal battle between my doctor and my uterus. Who will be victorious?

I'm not looking forward to the side effects again. Particularly the weight gain and the loss of horny. But it will be nice not to have a period all summer. Our pool opens next week.

And there's just a few more weeks until summer vacation, so it will be much easier to get to appointments and just nice to have some time off. It's been a very long and stressful year.

Oh, god news though. My lady will be starting a new chapter in her life this fall. She got her dream job! This will be great for both of us and will open a lot of doors financially for us. It's really exciting to be starting something new.

Latest News

We expected to hear from the doctor much sooner but didn't until today. Wasn't good news. The protein is still missing.

The nurse said that sometimes it still doesn't even appear even after six months of the super Lupron and we've done three. But the doctor wants to try something else next month. I'll call again with my period, which I just finished so about 3 weeks. Then I'll start regular daily Lupron again. I'm guessing another 2 week kit, but it could be more. In addition to that I'll be taking letrozole daily. I'm not sure but I think it's another injection.

I'm disappointed, of course. I don't even know what to think or feel otherwise. I feel like we're starting to run out of options and we're just grasping at straws now. But I've always told myself that if there was anything to try I would because I don't want to be left wondering "what if".

So I guess that's it for another month. If there are any doctors out there that want to study me or something, I have three months off starting in June...

Moving Forward

The second ultrasound and bloodwork went well. The nurse said the results were 'very good' but like I've said before, they say that every time so it's hard to take it seriously anymore.

We did the HGC shot last night to trigger ovulation. This is because the biopsy has to be on a specific day in cycle and to make sure I'm on that day, they trigger ovulation and count forward from there.

Anyway, the biopsy is next Friday the 15th. Right now it's in the afternoon so my lady should be able to take me (she works mornings). Hopefully they don't reschedule, but that sometimes happens as emergencies arise.

I can't really say I'm looking forward to it because I know exactly how badly it's going to hurt. Last time I thought it might hurt, but I was unprepared for how bad it really was. Now I know it's going to suck balls. I guess in a way that's good, but in another way it's very bad for me because I tend to get anxiety.

We should know the results the week after the biopsy. I remember last time it didn't take too long.

Once we have the results, we'll be moving forward. Along one path or another.

Did You Miss Me?

I suppose anyone who still reads this might have. Well, we've got some things going on now.

After the three months of uber-Lupron injections, there was nothing to do but wait. Last Wednesday I finally got my period again so the doctor had me come in for an ultrasound today. Well, actually the doctor is still on semi-maternity leave so the nurse did the ultrasound, which is fine. I like her and she's so goofy she makes me think she's been drinking or high or something.

Actually, let me back up a minute because I had blood drawn before the ultrasound and the people in the office looked at me like I was a ghost. I guess since I haven't been in in a while they thought we'd given up. I'm like, yeah we're still doing this, lol. It was funny and sad in a way.

Anyway, after the blood I went back for the ultrasound. Now, I'm not 100% sure why I needed an ultrasound because I thought I was just going to have the second biopsy to see if the Lupron worked. But I guess they're looking for something. And whatever they're looking for, she saw something interesting.

Normally I've got nothing going on at this point in my cycle but today I had a follicle that was about 12mm. The nurse was surprised and kind of gave me the impression that it was a good thing. She said depending on my bloodwork, I might not need to do a HGC shot before the biopsy. Again, I don't know why I would need one anyway because I'm pretty sure we didn't do one before, but whatever. So I left and went on my merry way to work. She called later and left me a long voicemail about how the doctor wants me to come back for another ultrasound and bloodwork on Monday, which I was totally not expecting.

I checked the results of the bloodwork (they have a patient portal where they post that stuff). I don't know why I bother trying to figure out what the numbers mean. All I have to go by is Wikipedia and a 10th grade understanding of biology, which I had to take twice.

They tested LH, which is lutenizing hormone. It triggers ovulation so I guess if the levels are good then that's why I might not need the HGC shot to trigger it artificially. That's my theory, anyway. According to Wikipedia, 8.74 is normal for day 9 and I guess with me normal is good since my hormones have never been normal. They also checked progesterone and estradiol as usual, but I've long since given up on trying to figure out those numbers and what they mean for me.

So yeah, that's what's going on now. In other news, I've lost over 25 pounds now and since eating healthier my cholesterol has gone down 40 points. I'm hoping that just being so much healthier will help this process too. Geocaching is still going well, though we had to give up our streak at 200 days. Now I'm all about being the first to find newly published caches. It's a cheap thrill.

Lots of people have been having babies at work, which is always hard to see. Especially since most of them are also on my Facebook so I get to see all their cute little pictures every day. Well, hopefully someday I'll get the chance to spam their news feed with my own baby pictures. Which I'll be able to do from work since I found a way around the internet filter and network services hasn't discovered me yet.

Look for the next update on Monday. Hopefully good news and maybe some more random stuff like above if you're lucky.

Last Shot Done

Not much to say. The third shot hurt a bit. I think the nurse gave it a bit high on the ass. But all that's done now.

Here's the timeline we're looking at now. This shot will be effective until the end of January. Sometime between then and mid-March, I should expect a period. When I get it, I call and we schedule the biopsy to see if this worked. If I don't get a period by then, then I go back for an ultrasound to check the follicles and see what's going on and possibly start medication to jump-start my period and then schedule the biopsy. And then, whatever the results, we go forward from there.

It seems like I won't have much more news for a while. This process is such a frustrating waiting game. My plans until then are to enjoy the holidays and my vacation. Tomorrow is my last day of work for two weeks and I am so happy for that. I'm also going to keep up with the gym, which is going pretty well still. Still finding geocaches every day. And yeah, just stuff to keep positive during all this.

Happy holidays to everyone and here's to hoping for babby in 2013!

Two Down, One to Go

My ass hurts and I have a funny taste in my mouth. That can only mean one thing. Lupron day!

Getting the shot was a real pain in the ass this time. Lol.

No, seriously though. I requested my refill on the 9th. I get paid on the 10th so I wanted to make sure I had the money for it. and get it in plenty of time before the appointment today. Walgreens submitted the request to my insurance and my insurance sat it on it until the 15th before telling Walgreens that they can't fill it and I need to go through their specialty pharmacy. That's fine, but I wish they had told me that weeks ago. Or even last month when I got the first one. But they didn't. I guess they let Walgreens fill the first one as a 'courtesy'.

Walgreens calls me on the 15th and tells me that they can't fill it. I panicked because I needed it by today (the 20th). So I had to make a bunch of calls to get it rushed and it got delivered yesterday. It was very nerve wracking because I had to go today. There is no window of days for this shot like for the first one.

Well, on the plus side my cost was only $27 instead of $60 at Walgreens or $800+ without coverage. The nurse was surprised because I guess it's not a medication that insurances regularly cover.

The nurse also said that if I'm going to feel side effects, it should start with this shot. I could be feeling hot flashes or severe mood swings along with the taste in my mouth. The last one is on December 18. Should make for an interesting holiday season.

Oh hey, on an unrelated note, I've lost 15 pounds since joining the gym. I was thinking about that and if we do another transfer and it works, I'm going to gain it all back. Lol, but it would be worth it.

One Down, Two to Go

My apologies to anyone actually reading this thing still. I forgot to write this last week. It's been a busy couple of weeks.

I actually got my period last Friday, right before my school's Halloween carnival, and I went to the doctor Monday for the shot.

So, the way this thing worked was she took it and hit the purple plunger. That dropped the powder and saline together. Then she rolled it a bunch of times to mix it. Next she squeezed a handful of my left ass cheek and stuck it in.

Maybe it was because I was expecting it to hurt a lot, but I barely felt a thing. She didn't even give me a band-aid.  Later, though, was another story. It started aching, like how a tetanus shot hurts. And it hurt for a few days.

It's not bad now, though. I also got the weird taste in my mouth like the other Lupron, but thankfully that went away within a day or two.

Apparently I'll get another period in a couple of weeks, which I don't call them for. Instead I'll go in for the next shot November 20 and then the last one on December 18. And then another biopsy to see if this worked.

I really hope this works.

What is THIS monstrosity?

Lupron Depot 3.75MG kit.

This isn't your average subcutaneous Lupron injection. This is the Lupron that is supposed to treat my protein deficiency. I picked it up from Walgreens today. My insurance actually paid for it, minus the brand name co-payment. So instead of over $800, it was only $60. That is very nice because I'm going to need 3 of these.

I'll call on day 1 of my next period and then go in on day 3, 4, or 5. I have to take this thing to the doctor and they will administer it there. I doubt the doctor will actually do it. More likely one of the nurses, but you know what I mean. When I heard that I have to go to the doctor for this I was confused because my lady has given me countless injections. But once we saw this thing...it's probably better that they do it. I'm not even sure how it works.

It looks like the top is saline and under that is powder that will be mixed with the saline, but I can't figure out how. Plus, it looks like it's intramuscular, not subcutaneous. The needle looks fucking huge, anyway.

I'll do this for 3 months and then another biopsy, which I wrote about in my last post. So we'll be in 2013 before we get another attempt, if at all.

I'll let you know how bad this thing hurts :(

The Results Are In

The biopsy results actually turned out how we wanted! The protein necessary for implantation is missing from my uterus. I really thought it would be there and we would be screwed. But since it's missing, now we have an idea why this hasn't been working. And now we have something new to try.

Now I've got another weird medical dysfunction to add to my ridiculous medical history. It's almost laughable at this point. I can't make this shit up.

The doctor actually e-mailed my lady today, which was good because I can't get calls at work except at very specific times and I have no Internet access at work. That's a whole different story, though. Almost a month into the school year and since the construction still isn't done I have no network access. But don't even get me started on that.

I haven't been able to find out a lot about this missing protein on Google. And we don't get to talk to the doctor a lot. Probably even less now since she's getting ready to drop a baby of her own in a couple of weeks. I have no idea why I'm missing the protein. All I've read is that it's not common and it's usually connected to endometriosis. But from what the doctor did tell us and what I could find out, it is treatable and pretty successfully.

On day 3 of my next period I'll go in for a Lupron shot, but it's a different Lupron than I took before. I don't know the pharmacology and why it's different, but it is. We thought I'd be on Lupron for 90 days straight, but it's one shot a month for 3 months. And then we have to wait some more weeks after that to do another biopsy. If the gods be good, the protein will be present in the second biopsy and we would be able to go forward with another FET, hopefully with a better chance of being successful. If after 3 months the protein still isn't there, then we will go from there. One thing at a time.

I can't say I'm excited about having another biopsy, though. I guess since I had it in my mind that the protein would be there, this would be the end of our journey and I wouldn't have to go through that again. I guess it's a good thing I have to do it again, but I'm really not looking forward to that.

I guess things are looking up a little now. In some ways I think this is just as hard as if this would have been the end. We've spent a lot of time coming to terms with the possibility that it could have been the end and I was almost at acceptance, myself. The hope that we still might have a baby is positive, don't get me wrong. But it's going to be over 4 more months of all this. This is a very hard process but I am hopeful that we will be able to cope better than we could last year.

I feel like the tone of my blog has gotten very depressing. I'm going to try to write about happier things. I wouldn't want to read this if I didn't write it myself. Sorry.

I Was Right.

The biopsy was just as painful as I imagined. Probably even more painful than I thought because everyone was telling me it wouldn't be that bad so I kind of got it in my head that it might not be. But it was.

I don't know where the nurse got this "it feels like someone is pulling on your ears from the inside" nonsense because I didn't feel shit in my ears. They put in the speculum, which oddly enough didn't bother me and it used to. Then they poked around my cervix for a while because they couldn't get it to dilate. She said it might be because I had a full bladder. I asked her if she wanted me to go to the bathroom because I actually did have to pee, but she said no.

Once they got that figured out they put in the catheter. It felt like they took Ned's greatsword from Game of Thrones, shoved it into my uterus, and then pulled. And just for teh lulz, they had to do it twice because the first time she didn't get any tissue, just blood. I have a decent tolerance for pain but after the first time I was tearing up. When they did it the second time, I was openly sobbing and there were a few moments I considered telling her to stop. It was that bad.

Eventually it was over and I talked to the doctor for a few minutes. I know I pay her, but I think she really does feel bad for us and everything we've gone through and I think she really wants this to work for us. Many other doctors would have given up on us, but she says she'll keep trying as long as we're willing. I don't know how long that will be, though.

She said we'd get the results in 7 to 10 days. If the protein is missing, which is what we're hoping, then we start 3 months of Lupron. If it's not missing, then we go forward from there. I'm not sure what she means by that, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see.