Next Transfer Tuesday

Saw the doctor yesterday. My uterine lining is about 9mm now so we're going ahead. The optimal conditions are when the lining is 8mm to 13mm and it's gong to get thicker before Tuesday so it should be good. My estradiol is on the high side, but I've been taking estradiol for about a week now so that's expected. My progesterone is a little low and that always worries me. I start the Crinone this weekend so that should bring it up. But it still worries me. Progesterone is the hormone that maintains a healthy pregnancy and so the doctor likes it to be high before the transfer so if it does implant, my body has a head start with it. It also makes a better baby environment also. My thyroid levels are perfect so everything should be ideal.

But it usually is and this hasn't worked yet, so I probably shouldn't even bother looking at these numbers and stuff, except that it does interest me in a way.

Now that it's getting closer I'm starting to get nervous. We're both pretty sure it probably won't work again. Of course we hope it will, but we're both preparing for the worst again. I don't know if that will make it any less painful. I hope we don't have to find out.

We're transferring two this time. A boy and a girl. We don't want to use both of the boys we have left. We had thought about using one of the boys and one of the untested ones to increase the chances of having a boy. But the nurse strongly suggested using the ones that have been tested because although the untested ones made it to the blastocyst stage, there is still a small chance that there might be problems with them that wouldn't emerge until later. Considering so many of my embryos had chromosomal abnormalities I'd say that's a reasonable suggestion. And I figure by now they want to get me pregnant as much as I do.

So that's all happening Tuesday. Although they said I don't particularly need anyone to go with me, I don't want to go by myself so my good friend is taking me. She's pretty amusing so she can definitely keep my mood light. I don't know if she will want to go in the procedure room with me, but if she does I'm going to have her take a picture of the screen after the transfer. They leave it up so you can look at it while you lie there and last time neither my girlfriend or I brought our phones in the room. Not that I could anyway because I'll be wearing a spa wrap.

So, I guess I'll post again Tuesday and hopefully with pictures this time.

No More Lupron

Finally, I am done with that shit for this cycle. I cannot wait to get back to feeling normal once it completely leaves my body. It was pretty close with the Lupron this cycle. We almost ran out because my cycle is so long and I have to be on it for so long. When we thought we might run out I called in a refill but it turns out there is a national backorder on Lupron right now, like lots of other medications. Weird. But luckily we had enough and now I can let my bruises heal and start exfoliating my marks from when we used the non-hypoallergenic band-aids.

My lining today was just over 6mm, which is ok for this part of my cycle. I'm starting to increase my protein intake again and the prenatal vitamins I'm taking now have DHA, which the pharmacist told me was good. I think it's making my pee brighter yellow, though. Basically, I'm trying to make an ideal baby environment. The doctor today said something like "we're going to do it this time" and I appreciate her confidence, but I just can't share it anymore. All I can do is hope for the best and make sure I do everything I'm supposed to.

I think I can probably call myself one of her more difficult patients now.

I go back on Tuesday and I'm really hoping they will give us a date for the next transfer. I'm hoping it's after my girlfriend is done teaching for the summer so she can be there. I don't really feel weird going to appointments by myself. Actually, most people in the waiting room are usually by themselves. But for the actual procedure I'd like company. My mom would go, but I would feel weird with her there. The only other person I'd really feel comfortable being there is my cousin, but she lives in Denver so that's out.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see on the dates. They haven't even had me start the Crinone vagina cream, so I think we have a ways to go.

I was actually supposed to work on Tuesday. There is a crap-ton of professional development over the summer and they pay us $30 an hour, which is fucking sweet. Since I won't be getting summer school money this year, I signed up for as many hours as I could but I had to cancel from the workshop on Tuesday. Oh well. Gotta be flexible when you're in cycle.

Other than that, I'm trying to enjoy the pool as much as I can before the transfer because I won't be allowed to swim after that. I'm also trying to catch up on my reading. I finished all three Fifty Shades of Grey (I know, LOL) and now I'm working on Game of Thrones. And trying to stay as relaxed as I can. No stress, no anxiety. Just calm blue oceans. Calm blue oceans.

Day 1 (Tuesday)

After much waiting, my period finally arrived yesterday. I don't know what it means that it took so long this time. I happened to have an appointment with the doctor yesterday anyway. After doing the ultrasound and then checking the bloodwork, they had me start estradiol again and gave me another appointment for next Wednesday. That was actually the estimated transfer date, so obviously that's not happening. Depending on how my lining fills in this time and how quickly, I'd guess we're looking at the last week of June or first week of July for the transfer. I also have to continue Lupron until next Wednesday also and I was really hoping to get off of that shit sooner.

In other news, my summer vacation is going well so far. I haven't gotten bored yet so I'm still enjoying it. I've been hanging out with my mom and helping her watch my brother & new sister in law's dogs while they're on their honeymoon.

I went to the dentist and my teeth are pretty perfect. Except I have to start wearing a night guard again because I've been clenching my jaw again. I actually had TMJ surgery about 10 years ago. Totally wasn't worth it. My jaw is just as bad now as it was before the surgery, but most of the time it doesn't bother me. Or I've gotten used to it.

This last part kind of relates to the content of my blog. I've written how hard it's been for me to deal with the first transfer not working. I just haven't been able to bounce back from it like the IUI's before. So my lady and I decided to see a counselor. I'm not going to go into more details because it's not just my business that we talk about, but I wanted to mention it because that's another thing people should know if they're thinking about going through this process. You might want to go crazy at times and even if you have a lot of support from family and friends, they might not always be able to help you like a professional could. So don't be afraid to consider it.

Random Ultrasound

Well, actually this was supposed to be my day 3 scan but I still haven't gotten my period. I'm finished with the birth control and it should have come Sunday/Monday. But still nothing today. Please, no jokes telling me to take a pregnancy test. It's not as funny as you think it is.

Anyway, the doctor had me come in to see what was going on. This happened before and I actually got my period during the ultrasound before, but not this time. They also took blood to check hormone levels. The doctor said to decrease the Lupron tonight, and I'm glad because that shit really messes me up. And I'm going back for another ultrasound next Tuesday.

So I'm guessing this is going to push back the estimated date of June 20 for the next transfer. It's not really an issue now, though. Today was my last day at work until August, so I have nothing but time. Last year I taught summer school for 5 weeks, but it wasn't in the budget this year. And I'm not really looking for work because I'm on 12 month salary. So I'm going to relax and de-stress myself as much as possible in the next few weeks.

Actually, to help with that my girlfriend and I are going to be seeing a counselor next week. We've both had a very hard time dealing with all this and her psychiatrist recommended this lady that deals with a lot of gay issues and she happens to be gay herself. Not that really matters, but the psychiatrist really thought she would be a good match for us. I'm kind of nervous. I've been in therapy many times before and I always have trouble with knowing what to say. I'm not a big talker. I'm much better at expressing myself in writing. But I'm going to give it a try.

As for the rest of my summer...

My brother is getting married tomorrow, so that should be fun. Except that it's outdoors and we live in a very, very hot climate. Also, my cousin's birthday is this Sunday. After that, my girlfriend is teaching summer school for the next 5 weeks so I'm going to need to amuse myself for a while. And then we'll have some time off together. We want to take a trip, but we're not sure where. A lot will depend on if a pregnancy actually happens this time.

That's it for now. Hopefully there will be more interesting news Tuesday.