Game over. Uterus - 1, Jacky - 0
Well, that's all folks. Sorry to anyone who actually still reads this for the delay in updates. I'm sure you were on pins and needles but it's all over now. The doctor has officially cut me loose. There's nothing more she can do for me. Since she's a doctor that specializes in tough cases, I've got no choice but believe and accept that.
I'm not even going to begin to try to explain how it feels other than it feels bad, man. And it probably will for a long time.
So, what's next?
If you've followed this blog you know that we were never in the position for my girlfriend to try instead. Her job before simply didn't allow it. But fortunately now she has a new, much better job and we are thinking that we might be able to turn the tables now. We are meeting with the doctor next week to talk about that.
It will be strange to be on the other side of the stirrups...
Anyway, this blog was about my journey and now that is over. I considered archiving it, but I think I'm going to leave it for now. Someone may come across it in a Google search about fertility and might read about my experiences. Or maybe there is some doctor that is Googling tough fertility issues and wants to study me. Whatever. But I don't know if I'll be updating anymore. My girlfriend doesn't enjoy writing like I do so I don't think blogging would be her thing. We'll just have to wait and see.
So, thanks for reading for all these past months and allowing me to share my thoughts and feelings. To anyone reading this and going through the same thing, I wish you nothing but good luck. And to everyone else, see you around the Internet!
-Jacky
About Me
- Jacky
- They say 30's are the new 20's. My wife and I have been together for over a decade now. We both work in the fast paced world of academia. Our state (and recently all others across the country) have finally allowed all marriage so we made that happen October 2014.
I'm a pretty big nerd, I'll be the first to admit. I love video games (yes, as a girl and yes, at my age). I have lots of other nerd hobbies and since I was unceremoniously banned from RuneScape, I've been playing Civilization and Skyrim. My real first nerd love is Magic the Gathering. 10,000 cards and growing, but that's an expensive hobby when you have two babies.
I have other grown-up interests too, especially reading. I like reading so much I have 3 Kindles and I also used to be a martial artist (one belt away from black belt. I'll finish someday.)
But now I've got twins and I have a feeling a lot of those hobbies are going to change.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
The Next Chapter
There's been a lot going on and I've been waiting to post until everything is settled. Which it is now, plus I've got some downtime since my students are taking state tests. And I figured out how to get around the Internet filter at work so I can actually access Blogger now. So here's what's going on now.
I've kept saying that as long as the doctor is willing to work with me and try different things, I'd keep going. Or at least until we go bankrupt. Originally I thought the doctor wanted to try something with the regular daily Lupron, but it turns out she wants to try something new with the monthly super-Lupron combined with something to way suppress estradiol. They submitted a prescription, which was promptly denied. I called to find out why since they paid for it before. They said they need a diagnosis code for authorization. Fine. I have the nurse send one, wait a couple of days and call again. They have no record of it.
Fuck. So I write the nurse again and she calls them while she's e-mailing me. She worked her magic and got them to approve it. You have to understand, this is the difference between a $700+ bill for three months and a $60 copay. The problem is that this didn't finally get sorted out until yesterday, which happened to be day 1 of my menses. And the shot needs to be given on days 3-5, but the closer to 3 the better. They are shipping it today overnight and I have to go tomorrow after work to get the shot.
That's what I've been dealing with the past few weeks. But it's happening again, finally. At this point I feel like it's a personal battle between my doctor and my uterus. Who will be victorious?
I'm not looking forward to the side effects again. Particularly the weight gain and the loss of horny. But it will be nice not to have a period all summer. Our pool opens next week.
And there's just a few more weeks until summer vacation, so it will be much easier to get to appointments and just nice to have some time off. It's been a very long and stressful year.
Oh, god news though. My lady will be starting a new chapter in her life this fall. She got her dream job! This will be great for both of us and will open a lot of doors financially for us. It's really exciting to be starting something new.
There's been a lot going on and I've been waiting to post until everything is settled. Which it is now, plus I've got some downtime since my students are taking state tests. And I figured out how to get around the Internet filter at work so I can actually access Blogger now. So here's what's going on now.
I've kept saying that as long as the doctor is willing to work with me and try different things, I'd keep going. Or at least until we go bankrupt. Originally I thought the doctor wanted to try something with the regular daily Lupron, but it turns out she wants to try something new with the monthly super-Lupron combined with something to way suppress estradiol. They submitted a prescription, which was promptly denied. I called to find out why since they paid for it before. They said they need a diagnosis code for authorization. Fine. I have the nurse send one, wait a couple of days and call again. They have no record of it.
Fuck. So I write the nurse again and she calls them while she's e-mailing me. She worked her magic and got them to approve it. You have to understand, this is the difference between a $700+ bill for three months and a $60 copay. The problem is that this didn't finally get sorted out until yesterday, which happened to be day 1 of my menses. And the shot needs to be given on days 3-5, but the closer to 3 the better. They are shipping it today overnight and I have to go tomorrow after work to get the shot.
That's what I've been dealing with the past few weeks. But it's happening again, finally. At this point I feel like it's a personal battle between my doctor and my uterus. Who will be victorious?
I'm not looking forward to the side effects again. Particularly the weight gain and the loss of horny. But it will be nice not to have a period all summer. Our pool opens next week.
And there's just a few more weeks until summer vacation, so it will be much easier to get to appointments and just nice to have some time off. It's been a very long and stressful year.
Oh, god news though. My lady will be starting a new chapter in her life this fall. She got her dream job! This will be great for both of us and will open a lot of doors financially for us. It's really exciting to be starting something new.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Latest News
We expected to hear from the doctor much sooner but didn't until today. Wasn't good news. The protein is still missing.
The nurse said that sometimes it still doesn't even appear even after six months of the super Lupron and we've done three. But the doctor wants to try something else next month. I'll call again with my period, which I just finished so about 3 weeks. Then I'll start regular daily Lupron again. I'm guessing another 2 week kit, but it could be more. In addition to that I'll be taking letrozole daily. I'm not sure but I think it's another injection.
I'm disappointed, of course. I don't even know what to think or feel otherwise. I feel like we're starting to run out of options and we're just grasping at straws now. But I've always told myself that if there was anything to try I would because I don't want to be left wondering "what if".
So I guess that's it for another month. If there are any doctors out there that want to study me or something, I have three months off starting in June...
We expected to hear from the doctor much sooner but didn't until today. Wasn't good news. The protein is still missing.
The nurse said that sometimes it still doesn't even appear even after six months of the super Lupron and we've done three. But the doctor wants to try something else next month. I'll call again with my period, which I just finished so about 3 weeks. Then I'll start regular daily Lupron again. I'm guessing another 2 week kit, but it could be more. In addition to that I'll be taking letrozole daily. I'm not sure but I think it's another injection.
I'm disappointed, of course. I don't even know what to think or feel otherwise. I feel like we're starting to run out of options and we're just grasping at straws now. But I've always told myself that if there was anything to try I would because I don't want to be left wondering "what if".
So I guess that's it for another month. If there are any doctors out there that want to study me or something, I have three months off starting in June...
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Moving Forward
The second ultrasound and bloodwork went well. The nurse said the results were 'very good' but like I've said before, they say that every time so it's hard to take it seriously anymore.
We did the HGC shot last night to trigger ovulation. This is because the biopsy has to be on a specific day in cycle and to make sure I'm on that day, they trigger ovulation and count forward from there.
Anyway, the biopsy is next Friday the 15th. Right now it's in the afternoon so my lady should be able to take me (she works mornings). Hopefully they don't reschedule, but that sometimes happens as emergencies arise.
I can't really say I'm looking forward to it because I know exactly how badly it's going to hurt. Last time I thought it might hurt, but I was unprepared for how bad it really was. Now I know it's going to suck balls. I guess in a way that's good, but in another way it's very bad for me because I tend to get anxiety.
We should know the results the week after the biopsy. I remember last time it didn't take too long.
Once we have the results, we'll be moving forward. Along one path or another.
The second ultrasound and bloodwork went well. The nurse said the results were 'very good' but like I've said before, they say that every time so it's hard to take it seriously anymore.
We did the HGC shot last night to trigger ovulation. This is because the biopsy has to be on a specific day in cycle and to make sure I'm on that day, they trigger ovulation and count forward from there.
Anyway, the biopsy is next Friday the 15th. Right now it's in the afternoon so my lady should be able to take me (she works mornings). Hopefully they don't reschedule, but that sometimes happens as emergencies arise.
I can't really say I'm looking forward to it because I know exactly how badly it's going to hurt. Last time I thought it might hurt, but I was unprepared for how bad it really was. Now I know it's going to suck balls. I guess in a way that's good, but in another way it's very bad for me because I tend to get anxiety.
We should know the results the week after the biopsy. I remember last time it didn't take too long.
Once we have the results, we'll be moving forward. Along one path or another.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Did You Miss Me?
I suppose anyone who still reads this might have. Well, we've got some things going on now.
After the three months of uber-Lupron injections, there was nothing to do but wait. Last Wednesday I finally got my period again so the doctor had me come in for an ultrasound today. Well, actually the doctor is still on semi-maternity leave so the nurse did the ultrasound, which is fine. I like her and she's so goofy she makes me think she's been drinking or high or something.
Actually, let me back up a minute because I had blood drawn before the ultrasound and the people in the office looked at me like I was a ghost. I guess since I haven't been in in a while they thought we'd given up. I'm like, yeah we're still doing this, lol. It was funny and sad in a way.
Anyway, after the blood I went back for the ultrasound. Now, I'm not 100% sure why I needed an ultrasound because I thought I was just going to have the second biopsy to see if the Lupron worked. But I guess they're looking for something. And whatever they're looking for, she saw something interesting.
Normally I've got nothing going on at this point in my cycle but today I had a follicle that was about 12mm. The nurse was surprised and kind of gave me the impression that it was a good thing. She said depending on my bloodwork, I might not need to do a HGC shot before the biopsy. Again, I don't know why I would need one anyway because I'm pretty sure we didn't do one before, but whatever. So I left and went on my merry way to work. She called later and left me a long voicemail about how the doctor wants me to come back for another ultrasound and bloodwork on Monday, which I was totally not expecting.
I checked the results of the bloodwork (they have a patient portal where they post that stuff). I don't know why I bother trying to figure out what the numbers mean. All I have to go by is Wikipedia and a 10th grade understanding of biology, which I had to take twice.
They tested LH, which is lutenizing hormone. It triggers ovulation so I guess if the levels are good then that's why I might not need the HGC shot to trigger it artificially. That's my theory, anyway. According to Wikipedia, 8.74 is normal for day 9 and I guess with me normal is good since my hormones have never been normal. They also checked progesterone and estradiol as usual, but I've long since given up on trying to figure out those numbers and what they mean for me.
So yeah, that's what's going on now. In other news, I've lost over 25 pounds now and since eating healthier my cholesterol has gone down 40 points. I'm hoping that just being so much healthier will help this process too. Geocaching is still going well, though we had to give up our streak at 200 days. Now I'm all about being the first to find newly published caches. It's a cheap thrill.
Lots of people have been having babies at work, which is always hard to see. Especially since most of them are also on my Facebook so I get to see all their cute little pictures every day. Well, hopefully someday I'll get the chance to spam their news feed with my own baby pictures. Which I'll be able to do from work since I found a way around the internet filter and network services hasn't discovered me yet.
Look for the next update on Monday. Hopefully good news and maybe some more random stuff like above if you're lucky.
I suppose anyone who still reads this might have. Well, we've got some things going on now.
After the three months of uber-Lupron injections, there was nothing to do but wait. Last Wednesday I finally got my period again so the doctor had me come in for an ultrasound today. Well, actually the doctor is still on semi-maternity leave so the nurse did the ultrasound, which is fine. I like her and she's so goofy she makes me think she's been drinking or high or something.
Actually, let me back up a minute because I had blood drawn before the ultrasound and the people in the office looked at me like I was a ghost. I guess since I haven't been in in a while they thought we'd given up. I'm like, yeah we're still doing this, lol. It was funny and sad in a way.
Anyway, after the blood I went back for the ultrasound. Now, I'm not 100% sure why I needed an ultrasound because I thought I was just going to have the second biopsy to see if the Lupron worked. But I guess they're looking for something. And whatever they're looking for, she saw something interesting.
Normally I've got nothing going on at this point in my cycle but today I had a follicle that was about 12mm. The nurse was surprised and kind of gave me the impression that it was a good thing. She said depending on my bloodwork, I might not need to do a HGC shot before the biopsy. Again, I don't know why I would need one anyway because I'm pretty sure we didn't do one before, but whatever. So I left and went on my merry way to work. She called later and left me a long voicemail about how the doctor wants me to come back for another ultrasound and bloodwork on Monday, which I was totally not expecting.
I checked the results of the bloodwork (they have a patient portal where they post that stuff). I don't know why I bother trying to figure out what the numbers mean. All I have to go by is Wikipedia and a 10th grade understanding of biology, which I had to take twice.
They tested LH, which is lutenizing hormone. It triggers ovulation so I guess if the levels are good then that's why I might not need the HGC shot to trigger it artificially. That's my theory, anyway. According to Wikipedia, 8.74 is normal for day 9 and I guess with me normal is good since my hormones have never been normal. They also checked progesterone and estradiol as usual, but I've long since given up on trying to figure out those numbers and what they mean for me.
So yeah, that's what's going on now. In other news, I've lost over 25 pounds now and since eating healthier my cholesterol has gone down 40 points. I'm hoping that just being so much healthier will help this process too. Geocaching is still going well, though we had to give up our streak at 200 days. Now I'm all about being the first to find newly published caches. It's a cheap thrill.
Lots of people have been having babies at work, which is always hard to see. Especially since most of them are also on my Facebook so I get to see all their cute little pictures every day. Well, hopefully someday I'll get the chance to spam their news feed with my own baby pictures. Which I'll be able to do from work since I found a way around the internet filter and network services hasn't discovered me yet.
Look for the next update on Monday. Hopefully good news and maybe some more random stuff like above if you're lucky.
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