1 Month

The babies are healthy and doing well. Charlotte is now 7lbs 5oz and Nathan is 7lbs 1oz. They are still on the small side, but that is to be expected being a month early. They've met their weight milestones and Nathan survived his circumcision. They've had their first shots, first baths at home and made it through their first month of life.

They already have very distinct and very different personalities. Nathan is very calm and patient, but he is super strong and determined. He holds his head up during tummy time like a champ already. He also has my love for sleep. Charlotte earned the nickname "princess" in the hospital. On the second night she would not sleep and wouldn't stop crying unless someone was holding her. This might not have been so bad but we had another baby to take care of also. Anyway, sometime during the night the nurse came to check on us and we were all in tears, She took pity on us and took Charlotte to the nurses station for a few hours, even though their policy is that the babies stay in the room.

I thought we had a pretty good idea of what we were getting into, but this month has been about 10 times harder than either of us imagined. As much as we tried to prepare, talk to people, go to classes, very little has gone the way we had hoped it would.

As I mentioned before, a c-section recovery is terrible. Combine that with newborn twins and it's a real shit show. I don't think I can really get into some details because they're pretty personal, but believe me when I say it was rough for both of us.

We had a lot of visitors when we went home and our cousin stayed with us for a week, which was great. She helped us get into a routine and it was nice to see her for so long since she lives in Denver and we usually only get her on holidays. It took a few days before she could get up and down the stairs comfortably so we stayed downstairs. We're in the bedroom now but we're getting some furniture for the loft and that will probably be where we set up permanently. It's hard living in a bedroom.

The babies are sleeping in the room with us in bassinets. We know the rules about not having anything in the cribs, but they simply won't sleep at night in anything but their Podsters. So they sleep in their Podsters in the bassinets. When they sleep, that is. Mostly they sleep during the day and they would sleep upside down on the hood of the car and nothing would wake them. Night though, they just don't want to settle. They're too young to know the difference between night and day and newborns are nocturnal so we've just got to deal. It's been hard not sleeping, though. And I haven't been able to do the whole "sleep when the baby sleeps" thing during the day. More on that later.

One thing other mom was looking forward to was breastfeeding but that hasn't gone well either. The babies were so young they couldn't latch. After a lot of work she finally got Charlotte to do it sometimes but Nathan just won't. We've been told by several nurses that it's harder for boys and after all this time we think he may never get the hang of it. So she's pumping and we're giving them about 50/50 breast milk and formula.

After she was feeling a little better we were able to start going out with the babies and doing things. We've been able to go to Target and to dinner in addition to our doctor's appointments. I never anticipated how much attention they would draw. Before we could have been gum on the sidewalk for as much as people paid attention to us, but now random people come talk to us wherever we are. For me, this is just about my worst nightmare. I'm a woman of few words to those who know me well and to strangers they're lucky to get a grunt and a nod to most questions. Fortunately for me my other half is the opposite so she's been doing the talking. But man, I don't get it. If I saw some poor new mother at Target with her hands clearly full with twins, I might pass and smile but I would never think to go bother her and strike up a conversation. Maybe that's just me.

So, this month has been pretty rough. Everyone keeps telling us we're doing well, but they really only see the best of us and the babies. Alone it's very different. Just to speak to myself, I've been having a lot of really bad feelings and I'm not sleeping or eating well at all. For a variety of reasons there's not much I can do about it right now so I've been trying to just accept that this is life now and try to pass the time until it gets better, Everyone also says that these times will just fly but maybe that's just in retrospect because this past month has felt like 10 years and I think it's aged me that much as well. I'm trying to look for things to enjoy but it's just so much work that fun is just not there for me. I also got shafted on my leave at work and I actually have to go back in a week instead of in April like I thought. It's a long story and it sucks, but it is what it is.

Here's to month 2.