4 Months

At the 4 month appointment Charlotte is 13 pounds, 11 ounces and 23.75 inches. Nathhan is 13 pounds, 1 ounce and 23.25 inches. They're starting solids starting with rice cereal gradually increasing in thickness. Once they master eating with a spoon, we can start orange vegetables. They did well with their second round of immunizations, though Charlotte's a little feverish now. Both are healthy and on track developmentally. Nathan's crossed eye is normal for now. We are going to start teaching them to focus their attention on toys in front of them and help them build their muscles by sitting up.

I have been on vacation for most of this month so I was able to spend a lot more time with the babies. They change so much, so quickly. Before Nathan was our relaxed and patient baby. Now he has discovered his hands and feet and he is having a hard time coping with them, I guess. Most of the time he is still really happy and smiley (though we can't get him to smile in pictures for anything). But he is also having some tantrums now that make Charlotte look like chill. It's so hard to calm him down once he gets really upset. Charlotte is still pretty cranky too, but she has really calmed down. I don't know if it's because she's older now or because we've been giving her this stuff called Colic Calm, but she is happy more of the day now.

Both are starting to use their little baby voices. When they're in good moods, they oooh and aaah and smile and it's actually really cute. As I mentioned Nathan discovered his hands and he loves putting them in his mouth now. I think Charlotte has discovered her hands too, but she's not making as big of a deal out of it as Nathan. Both can support their own weight when practice standing, though they have no sense of balance yet.

Charlotte - the happiest baby burrito
west of the Mississippi

Both are sleeping a lot better now. We've got a bedtime routine that has them in bed, usually asleep, in less than an hour. It's pretty amazing. Charlotte has to have a bottle to sleep, but once she is out she will sleep for 5-6 hours before getting up again. And then once she has a new bottle, she goes right back to sleep but after that initial block she is usually up every hour until it's time to wake up. Nathan crashes pretty quickly when we put him to bed but he won't sleep as long. Maybe 3 hours, but he doesn't get up as often as Charlotte. And if he gets up and has one of his tantrums, he won't go back to sleep unless he is in the swing. Both are so different it's hard to get myself into a good sleep routine, but the good part is that they really don't wake each other up. Weird. They sleep in these sleep sack swaddles and when we unzip them they do their morning stretch.

We spent a lot of time driving around this vacation. For the most part the babies will sleep in the car. And when they're sleeping, they're not screaming. So we drove and drove any place we could think of. Last week we actually took a 750 mile (each way) road trip just to get out of town and go do something. The babies did great as long as I was in the back with them to tend to them.

I've been going to doctors while I was on break. I'm still pretty depressed and they're trying me on different medications, but none of them seem to be working well. One helped me sleep, but bade me want to kill myself. The newest one gives me such a stomach ache, I don't even want to take it. But I'll keep trying to figure out something because I'm not getting better. I really hope my kids don't inherit this, but depression runs in the family.

I'm still having a hard time being a mom. I take care of them, but I don't fit into the mom role. I've actually stopped going to our mothers of multiple meetings. I just don't feel like I fit in with them anymore. Actually, we went to a barbecue at a friend's house and I fit in more with the dads in the backyard at the grill than with the moms inside. I don't really like to think that I'm adopting a stereotypical lesbian 'dad' role. Whatever it is, it's going to be unique and it's probably going to take me a while to figure it out.