Week 7 - 30 more to go...

Long gone are the days when pregnancy was a 9 month deal. Now we know it's measured by weeks, 40 to be precise. However with twins, they're considered full term at 37 weeks. So although the official due date is January 25, they'll probably schedule the delivery sometime around 2nd instead. I'd love to go a day earlier and have New Year's babies, but since it'll be scheduled I guess that'll be up to the doctor.

Up to this point the pregnancy symptoms have been typical. Nausea, boob changes, cramps, etc. I expected those, but I wasn't really prepared for the hormonal waterworks. I'm not an emotional person, myself. At least I don't show emotion well. She's always been the opposite but now, it's a whole new game.

As we were driving home from the grocery store today, listening to the radio as we always do, "Home" by Phillip Phillips comes on. You know, the one they used for the gymnasts at the last Olympics. Nice song, whatever. But then I hear in a choked voice "I think this song is going to make me cry!" So I look over and I'm like what? And she was seriously tearing up and was like "We're going home and I'm making myself a home for the babies!" but then she started laughing, so I ask "Are you fucking with me?" And she laughs and says no, but then we both start laughing. Ah, well. It was a sweet moment.

How are babbies formed?

I guess I might need to change the name of the blog since there are babbies instead of just babby. Yep, twins.

Crazy stuff. After all these years of no babies, now we have two. If everything went correctly during the transfer, it should be a boy and a girl. But you know nothing is 100%.

So far they are right on developmental schedule at 6 weeks 5 days. Size and heartbeats were perfect. First babies in the family in 24 years. Everyone is really excited.

They said a twins pregnancy is pretty much like a single pregnancy until a little later. Then it gets interesting. And now we pretty much know she'll have to have a c-section, which we didn't want but that's pretty much the standard for multiples. Next appointment is July 3.

Cautiously Optimistic

Has medical science suddenly cured me of my infertility? Well, no but here I am again. Why?

If you read back, you may recall that we were considering trying again with the uteruses reversed and using my leftover embryos. Well, we decided to give it a go. And what do you know? It worked. Yeah. 'Tis quite the story that follows.

We met with the doctor in October to see what our options were and she said that we could try the next month in November if we wanted to. It was tempting, but my lady had been training for almost a year to run a half-marathon that happened to be in November. The doctor said to give them a call with the first period after that. That was sometime in December.

The marathon was great, by the way. I didn't run the marathon myself. Distance just isn't my thing.

Now, around this time I noticed that the fertility clinic was having a contest where clients and potential clients could make a 1 minute video of how they're getting ready for their baby. The winner would receive 50% off the next treatment cycle, which is no small chunk of change. We decided to give it a shot and made three pretty hilarious videos. I don't think my girlfriend would want me to post them here, but trust me. They were great. Anyway, we didn't win but we did get sort of an honorable mention and got $500 off. I think it was a pity prize because when they called they said something like "Now, we didn't announce other prizes but we are giving you $500 for second place!" I really think there were originally no other prizes, but I feel like we've been there so long and everyone there knows us, they felt they had to give us something. Whatever. I'll take a pity prize.

The doctor wanted to try a natural cycle but put her on birth control for a month to regulate her period. That was a rough month. Everyone reacts to hormones differently and well...this particular birth control did not agree with her. But after that we were ready for a transfer. This was January.

However, towards the middle of January my lady started to feel ill. Turns out it was the fucking flu and we were both down for over a week. I, myself, had to take three days off from work and I never take time for being sick. Time off to play Civilization and pick my nose, sure. But not for actual illness. Anyway, this week happened to coincide with the week we would have done the transfer so that was put on hold.

New Home Sweet Home

Oh and hey, did I mention that right smack in the middle of all this we decided to sell our old house and buy a new one? Call us gluttons for stress, I guess. But it all worked out. We ended up closing on the new house just a few weeks before the old house sold.

So, back to the babby. Well, as you know in this process when there is a delay, it's usually 2 months or more. So we weren't able to try again until around March. Got all medicated up and went in for ultrasounds after day 3. Things were looking good but after a couple of ultrasounds, the doctor couldn't find the follicle she had been watching for ovulation. See, with a natural cycle you have to transfer pretty close to when you actually ovulate. The bloodwork later confirmed that we had indeed missed the window and had to wait for another cycle.

But this time the doctor wanted to do a more controlled cycle. Not Lupron controlled like I was on, but more birth control in addition to estrogen and progesterone. Started that up at the beginning of April and we were ready for a transfer at the beginning of May.

May 9th rolls around and we head back in to the IVF room. She in her spa wrap, I in my hairnet. This time I was able to look around. When you're on the table there's not much to see, but it's pretty interesting in there. I got to see the embryos when they put them under the microscope before the suck them into the transfer catheter. I also got to see them go in on the ultrasound.

Before the transfer, the doctor said this has to work so she can take us off of her bucket list. Lol.

Anyway, we went home for the long, agonizing wait. The first few days were whatever, just a lot of resting and stuff. But then she started feeling really crampy. Could have been period cramps, though. Then she started having boob pain. Again, could have been a period coming. I get pretty bad boob pain myself. But the one symptom that couldn't be explained by an oncoming period or medication side effect was the cat. Tyler.

Guess that shit isn't getting graded today.

Now, he's a little neurotic anyway. He's a rescue cat and has had issues with anxiety and other things since he was a young cat after a bad experience at the vet. I could write a whole blog just about him and what he's put us through. Anyway, he started acting very peculiar, even for him. He would follow her around the house, circle her legs and yowl at her constantly. He wandered around yowling. He was driving himself so nuts that we had to give him a Valium. Seriously, he has kitty Valium prescribed to him. Anyway, he was just not acting like himself and we are pretty sure it's because he knew. I've read that animals can sense pregnancy hormones. Call him our little First Response.

I left the pee soaked end out of
the image. You're welcome.

The first two blood tests looked good. On the first one her progesterone was already 6 and mine never got anywhere near that, even after increasing the disgusting progesterone cream. The second one was the one I was worried about because that was usually when my levels would take a dive. But hers went up. Final blood test was on the 21st. But before that, she decided to take a pee test. I kind of didn't want her to because I have very bad feelings associated with them and because I thought it was too early anyway. But she peed on it the morning of the 19th. The little hourglass came up for about a minute and then said "pregnant". We both looked at it and at each other and couldn't really believe what we were seeing. I went to work in shock.

After we thought about it more, we thought the test might have been expired and it turned out it was. So on my way home I picked up a new one and she peed on that when I got home. The test said to wait 3 minutes, but you could see the second line almost immediately. This put any doubt out of our minds. After this the blood test on the 21st was just a formality and it was positive as well. The doctor ordered one more blood test to make sure the levels were still increasing and all is well.

Normally the doctor likes to keep people on for about 11 weeks and do the first ultrasounds herself. But our insurance covers none of her services so she is releasing us to our regular OB, which our insurance will pay for completely, minus the copay. We have our first prenatal appointment June 6. They'll do the first ultrasound and hopefully we'll be able to see if one or both of these little things took. Based on the last bloodwork, it seems like the both might have, which is a little scary, not going to lie.

So that's where we are now, which brings me back to the question of why I'm writing again. When I started this I intended it to be a record of my journey to get pregnant and eventually the pregnancy. When that dream was destroyed, I didn't see the point since my journey was over. But one of the things I've been working on with my therapist is that my journey is not over. I'm still part of the journey, just in a different capacity. So I've decided to write again.

I'll try to keep it positive and interesting to read, but you've got to understand I still have a lot of issues to work out so you're probably going to get glimpses of that here and there. For now, I'm still in shock and disbelief. But in a good way, I think. If all works out, this little bundle will be born late January 2015. Or if it is two little bundles, early January.

Thanks for reading again. See you on the 6th.

Game over. Uterus - 1, Jacky - 0

Well, that's all folks. Sorry to anyone who actually still reads this for the delay in updates. I'm sure you were on pins and needles but it's all over now. The doctor has officially cut me loose. There's nothing more she can do for me. Since she's a doctor that specializes in tough cases, I've got no choice but believe and accept that.

I'm not even going to begin to try to explain how it feels other than it feels bad, man. And it probably will for a long time.

So, what's next?

If you've followed this blog you know that we were never in the position for my girlfriend to try instead. Her job before simply didn't allow it. But fortunately now she has a new, much better job and we are thinking that we might be able to turn the tables now. We are meeting with the doctor next week to talk about that.

It will be strange to be on the other side of the stirrups...

Anyway, this blog was about my journey and now that is over. I considered archiving it, but I think I'm going to leave it for now. Someone may come across it in a Google search about fertility and might read about my experiences. Or maybe there is some doctor that is Googling tough fertility issues and wants to study me. Whatever. But I don't know if I'll be updating anymore. My girlfriend doesn't enjoy writing like I do so I don't think blogging would be her thing. We'll just have to wait and see.

So, thanks for reading for all these past months and allowing me to share my thoughts and feelings. To anyone reading this and going through the same thing, I wish you nothing but good luck. And to everyone else, see you around the Internet!

-Jacky

The Next Chapter

There's been a lot going on and I've been waiting to post until everything is settled. Which it is now, plus I've got some downtime since my students are taking state tests. And I figured out how to get around the Internet filter at work so I can actually access Blogger now. So here's what's going on now.

I've kept saying that as long as the doctor is willing to work with me and try different things, I'd keep going. Or at least until we go bankrupt. Originally I thought the doctor wanted to try something with the regular daily Lupron, but it turns out she wants to try something new with the monthly super-Lupron combined with something to way suppress estradiol. They submitted a prescription, which was promptly denied. I called to find out why since they paid for it before. They said they need a diagnosis code for authorization. Fine. I have the nurse send one, wait a couple of days and call again. They have no record of it.

Fuck. So I write the nurse again and she calls them while she's e-mailing me. She worked her magic and got them to approve it. You have to understand, this is the difference between a $700+ bill for three months and a $60 copay. The problem is that this didn't finally get sorted out until yesterday, which happened to be day 1 of my menses. And the shot needs to be given on days 3-5, but the closer to 3 the better. They are shipping it today overnight and I have to go tomorrow after work to get the shot.

That's what I've been dealing with the past few weeks. But it's happening again, finally. At this point I feel like it's a personal battle between my doctor and my uterus. Who will be victorious?

I'm not looking forward to the side effects again. Particularly the weight gain and the loss of horny. But it will be nice not to have a period all summer. Our pool opens next week.

And there's just a few more weeks until summer vacation, so it will be much easier to get to appointments and just nice to have some time off. It's been a very long and stressful year.

Oh, god news though. My lady will be starting a new chapter in her life this fall. She got her dream job! This will be great for both of us and will open a lot of doors financially for us. It's really exciting to be starting something new.

Latest News

We expected to hear from the doctor much sooner but didn't until today. Wasn't good news. The protein is still missing.

The nurse said that sometimes it still doesn't even appear even after six months of the super Lupron and we've done three. But the doctor wants to try something else next month. I'll call again with my period, which I just finished so about 3 weeks. Then I'll start regular daily Lupron again. I'm guessing another 2 week kit, but it could be more. In addition to that I'll be taking letrozole daily. I'm not sure but I think it's another injection.

I'm disappointed, of course. I don't even know what to think or feel otherwise. I feel like we're starting to run out of options and we're just grasping at straws now. But I've always told myself that if there was anything to try I would because I don't want to be left wondering "what if".

So I guess that's it for another month. If there are any doctors out there that want to study me or something, I have three months off starting in June...

Moving Forward

The second ultrasound and bloodwork went well. The nurse said the results were 'very good' but like I've said before, they say that every time so it's hard to take it seriously anymore.

We did the HGC shot last night to trigger ovulation. This is because the biopsy has to be on a specific day in cycle and to make sure I'm on that day, they trigger ovulation and count forward from there.

Anyway, the biopsy is next Friday the 15th. Right now it's in the afternoon so my lady should be able to take me (she works mornings). Hopefully they don't reschedule, but that sometimes happens as emergencies arise.

I can't really say I'm looking forward to it because I know exactly how badly it's going to hurt. Last time I thought it might hurt, but I was unprepared for how bad it really was. Now I know it's going to suck balls. I guess in a way that's good, but in another way it's very bad for me because I tend to get anxiety.

We should know the results the week after the biopsy. I remember last time it didn't take too long.

Once we have the results, we'll be moving forward. Along one path or another.

Did You Miss Me?

I suppose anyone who still reads this might have. Well, we've got some things going on now.

After the three months of uber-Lupron injections, there was nothing to do but wait. Last Wednesday I finally got my period again so the doctor had me come in for an ultrasound today. Well, actually the doctor is still on semi-maternity leave so the nurse did the ultrasound, which is fine. I like her and she's so goofy she makes me think she's been drinking or high or something.

Actually, let me back up a minute because I had blood drawn before the ultrasound and the people in the office looked at me like I was a ghost. I guess since I haven't been in in a while they thought we'd given up. I'm like, yeah we're still doing this, lol. It was funny and sad in a way.

Anyway, after the blood I went back for the ultrasound. Now, I'm not 100% sure why I needed an ultrasound because I thought I was just going to have the second biopsy to see if the Lupron worked. But I guess they're looking for something. And whatever they're looking for, she saw something interesting.

Normally I've got nothing going on at this point in my cycle but today I had a follicle that was about 12mm. The nurse was surprised and kind of gave me the impression that it was a good thing. She said depending on my bloodwork, I might not need to do a HGC shot before the biopsy. Again, I don't know why I would need one anyway because I'm pretty sure we didn't do one before, but whatever. So I left and went on my merry way to work. She called later and left me a long voicemail about how the doctor wants me to come back for another ultrasound and bloodwork on Monday, which I was totally not expecting.

I checked the results of the bloodwork (they have a patient portal where they post that stuff). I don't know why I bother trying to figure out what the numbers mean. All I have to go by is Wikipedia and a 10th grade understanding of biology, which I had to take twice.

They tested LH, which is lutenizing hormone. It triggers ovulation so I guess if the levels are good then that's why I might not need the HGC shot to trigger it artificially. That's my theory, anyway. According to Wikipedia, 8.74 is normal for day 9 and I guess with me normal is good since my hormones have never been normal. They also checked progesterone and estradiol as usual, but I've long since given up on trying to figure out those numbers and what they mean for me.

So yeah, that's what's going on now. In other news, I've lost over 25 pounds now and since eating healthier my cholesterol has gone down 40 points. I'm hoping that just being so much healthier will help this process too. Geocaching is still going well, though we had to give up our streak at 200 days. Now I'm all about being the first to find newly published caches. It's a cheap thrill.

Lots of people have been having babies at work, which is always hard to see. Especially since most of them are also on my Facebook so I get to see all their cute little pictures every day. Well, hopefully someday I'll get the chance to spam their news feed with my own baby pictures. Which I'll be able to do from work since I found a way around the internet filter and network services hasn't discovered me yet.

Look for the next update on Monday. Hopefully good news and maybe some more random stuff like above if you're lucky.

Last Shot Done

Not much to say. The third shot hurt a bit. I think the nurse gave it a bit high on the ass. But all that's done now.

Here's the timeline we're looking at now. This shot will be effective until the end of January. Sometime between then and mid-March, I should expect a period. When I get it, I call and we schedule the biopsy to see if this worked. If I don't get a period by then, then I go back for an ultrasound to check the follicles and see what's going on and possibly start medication to jump-start my period and then schedule the biopsy. And then, whatever the results, we go forward from there.

It seems like I won't have much more news for a while. This process is such a frustrating waiting game. My plans until then are to enjoy the holidays and my vacation. Tomorrow is my last day of work for two weeks and I am so happy for that. I'm also going to keep up with the gym, which is going pretty well still. Still finding geocaches every day. And yeah, just stuff to keep positive during all this.

Happy holidays to everyone and here's to hoping for babby in 2013!

Two Down, One to Go

My ass hurts and I have a funny taste in my mouth. That can only mean one thing. Lupron day!

Getting the shot was a real pain in the ass this time. Lol.

No, seriously though. I requested my refill on the 9th. I get paid on the 10th so I wanted to make sure I had the money for it. and get it in plenty of time before the appointment today. Walgreens submitted the request to my insurance and my insurance sat it on it until the 15th before telling Walgreens that they can't fill it and I need to go through their specialty pharmacy. That's fine, but I wish they had told me that weeks ago. Or even last month when I got the first one. But they didn't. I guess they let Walgreens fill the first one as a 'courtesy'.

Walgreens calls me on the 15th and tells me that they can't fill it. I panicked because I needed it by today (the 20th). So I had to make a bunch of calls to get it rushed and it got delivered yesterday. It was very nerve wracking because I had to go today. There is no window of days for this shot like for the first one.

Well, on the plus side my cost was only $27 instead of $60 at Walgreens or $800+ without coverage. The nurse was surprised because I guess it's not a medication that insurances regularly cover.

The nurse also said that if I'm going to feel side effects, it should start with this shot. I could be feeling hot flashes or severe mood swings along with the taste in my mouth. The last one is on December 18. Should make for an interesting holiday season.

Oh hey, on an unrelated note, I've lost 15 pounds since joining the gym. I was thinking about that and if we do another transfer and it works, I'm going to gain it all back. Lol, but it would be worth it.