An unconventional journey through assisted reproductive technology (and hopefully pregnancy and parenthood.)

About Me

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They say 30's are the new 20's. My wife and I have been together for over a decade now. We both work in the fast paced world of academia. Our state (and recently all others across the country) have finally allowed all marriage so we made that happen October 2014.

I'm a pretty big nerd, I'll be the first to admit. I love video games (yes, as a girl and yes, at my age). I have lots of other nerd hobbies and since I was unceremoniously banned from RuneScape, I've been playing Civilization and Skyrim. My real first nerd love is Magic the Gathering. 10,000 cards and growing, but that's an expensive hobby when you have two babies.

I have other grown-up interests too, especially reading. I like reading so much I have 3 Kindles and I also used to be a martial artist (one belt away from black belt. I'll finish someday.)

But now I've got twins and I have a feeling a lot of those hobbies are going to change.

Monday, March 19, 2012

For those who are interested in the slightest, my weekend on RuneScape went very well. Here's how my levels turned out:

12 levels and over 3 million experience. Not bad. I'm most proud of the herblore. I made so many potions! I was hoping to get a summoning level too, but I didn't have enough charms saved. Time to start doing some more slayer, I guess. It's really close and so is strength, so I should get another combat level soon too. Not that anyone besides me really cares about my RuneScape stats :)

Other than that, I'm getting pretty antsy waiting all this time again. And I think it's starting to mess with my head. I start with the anxiety and worrying, even though logically I know there is absolutely nothing to worry about. It's maddening, I tell you. I'm not the best at waiting patiently, especially when there is nothing I can do to speed up the process.'s today's real post.

How did you pick a donor?

We get asked this quite often. We get a lot of people that ask why we didn't just ask some friend to be the donor. Well, if you knew any of our male friends you would see why that's not an option. Plus that could really complicate a friendship. And they may say they just want to be the donor, but what if later they decide they want to be a father after all?  It's too risky.

We decided on an anonymous donor. For one thing, sperm from an anonymous donor is cheaper. So although our child won't be able to find their biological father, they will be put on a sibling registry since the donor has other pregnancies before ours. I'm not sure how it works, but I imagine they let you know if there are possible siblings in your area so your child doesn't end up marrying their half-sibling someday.

When we researched how and where to buy sperm, we ended up at California Cryobank. You can search by pretty much anything you want. Hair color, eye color, ethnicity, religion, education and a whole lot more. We weren't really too picky about appearance but the one thing we wanted was someone who's educational background was math.

See, I'm a great reader and social studies was always my best subject. And writing...well, you read my blog, so you know. But oh man. It's not that I'm completely dumb. I do have the capacity to learn it (I did finally pass college algebra) but it is definitely not my cup of tea and it's never come easy for me. So if this child is going to have any mathematical ability, I know it would have to come from the donor because he won't get it from me. My whole family is the same way. Great readers, horrible at math. My girlfriend is very gifted mathematically so she'll be able to help him with his homework when he brings home math past 5th grade level.

We chose the specific donor mainly because of his personal essay. There is a question that asks why they want to become donors and a lot of the ones we read were about how they want to help someone start a family and other cheesy stuff like that but this guy said "Well, mainly for the money." I can appreciate that honesty. The last question was about if they had a message for us and he said "Determine the next three letters in this pattern: D T N T L ___ ___ ___." I couldn't figure it out myself, but my girlfriend realized it was the first letters of each word in the sentence, so it would be I T P. I love a smart ass, so that's what clinched him for me as our donor.

After the failed IUI attempts, the doctor did suggest we might consider a new donor. So we searched some more, but nobody was quite as perfect as that guy. There was one other that we seriously considered but his profile said he had curly hair. I have very curly hair and I didn't want to lay that double-whammy on the poor kid. We ordered his baby pictures to see how curly his hair was and the picture didn't look like what his profile described. I know most people change a lot from their baby pictures, but there was just something about him that we weren't feeling from the picture so we decided to stay with the original guy.

I hope we can be good enough parents for the baby that they won't feel the desire to find their biological father someday. They may always have some curiosity, but hopefully we can fill their life with what they need and they won't resent us someday for this choice. I'm sure they'll resent us for lots of things as children tend to do, but hopefully not this.

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