An unconventional journey through assisted reproductive technology (and hopefully pregnancy and parenthood.)

About Me

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They say 30's are the new 20's. My wife and I have been together for over a decade now. We both work in the fast paced world of academia. Our state (and recently all others across the country) have finally allowed all marriage so we made that happen October 2014.

I'm a pretty big nerd, I'll be the first to admit. I love video games (yes, as a girl and yes, at my age). I have lots of other nerd hobbies and since I was unceremoniously banned from RuneScape, I've been playing Civilization and Skyrim. My real first nerd love is Magic the Gathering. 10,000 cards and growing, but that's an expensive hobby when you have two babies.

I have other grown-up interests too, especially reading. I like reading so much I have 3 Kindles and I also used to be a martial artist (one belt away from black belt. I'll finish someday.)

But now I've got twins and I have a feeling a lot of those hobbies are going to change.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Me in RuneScape
If you play RuneScape, and I doubt that you do, then you know that this weekend is bonus xp weekend. So that's how I'll be spending my time this weekend. I'll be training farming, herblore, slayer, fletching and summoning.

But before I start with all that and completely lose touch with reality for the next 2 days, here is the first in my series of questions we get asked a lot and misconceptions we've come across.

Why don't you just adopt?

When people find out how much we've gone through, cost-wise and emotionally and everything else involved in the whole process, they naturally tend ask this question.

Well, it's complicated and with complicated things, the answer is also complicated. First and foremost, to put it simply, we want our own child. It's just something we both feel. We're aware of the many adoptable children that need good homes and God bless them. Me personally, I really want the experience of being pregnant too. I know I will probably look back on that and laugh.

There are legal reasons as well. In our state, domestic partnership is the most legal union we can have and it barely covers anything. Adoption is not included. Now, in our state there is nothing to specifically exclude gays from adopting, but we wouldn't be able to apply together. We could apply separately, but neither of us would qualify on our own. So it's really not an option for us anyway. Our only choice is to make our own.

After the baby is born we will be applying for a second-parent (sometimes known as a step-parent) adoption and my girlfriend will be just as much the legal guardian of the baby as myself.

And actually, the adoption process can be just as complicated and expensive as IVF. Our best friend's family adopted a little boy and then the paternal grandmother decided she wanted custody almost a year after the adoption. And she got it. Their family was naturally devastated and I couldn't imagine going through that myself.

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