The doctor said we could start again right away if we want. I'm not sure if I do, but I'm going to anyway. I got my period Sunday so I called today and got a new flow sheet. I start birth control tomorrow and then Lupron again in a couple of weeks. My last day of work is June 7. Most of the ultrasounds and the next transfer is scheduled for after that, so I won't have to worry about subs, which is great.

Now, the IVF package we paid for was supposed to include 1 fresh transfer and 2 frozen. Since we didn't get to do the fresh we assumed that we would get 3 frozen instead. The doctor said they had never had that situation before so she didn't know, but it looks like we'll probably only get one more chance instead of two before we have to pay again. We're going to have to talk to the person in charge of financial stuff, though. The doctor doesn't really deal with that.

After everything we've gone through and already spent, $2,500 doesn't seem like much at all and we will come up with it if we have to. My mom said she would pay for one also if we needed it. We're both working this summer and summer money is pretty good. But it still burns.

I saw my endocrinologist last Thursday. I was really hoping that there would be a problem with my thyroid levels, but they were spot on perfect. So I don't have that to blame anymore. It just didn't work this time and the problem with all of this is that there is really no way to know why. So you're always left wondering what you did wrong. The doctor said the only thing we could do differently next time is to transfer two, so that's what we're going to do. We now face the possibility of having twins, which would be hard. But I'd absolutely rather have two babies than no babies.

I really tried to have a good weekend to take my mind away. My girlfriend graduated Saturday and we had a lot of fun at the ceremony and then dinner. Plus she finally got her birth certificate with her new last name in the mail! We had to get it from the state she was born in and we've been waiting for months, so that was exciting.We spent some time with my mom on Sunday and then spent some gift cards. It was nice.

So now it starts all over again. In case you couldn't tell, I'm having a very hard time dealing with all of this. Like much harder than I expected and much harder than the failed IUI attempts. I'm no picnic at home and at work I just feel like I want to snap on everyone all the time. That's not like me and I don't like it. I'm sure going back on Lupron is only going to make it worse if I don't figure out how to deal before then. And that's what I'm going to try to do in the next couple of weeks.

I don't expect this cycle will be much different than the last one and since you read all about that already, I probably won't bore you with posting about it again. I'll mostly be updating dates and important changes and stuff. So you may not see as many lengthy posts as before. But I'll be around.